Small Victories

Care to be inspired? I thought you would be!

You might have seen that Nike commercial during the Olympics this summer. There were mixed reactions to it, but I think it is absolutely amazing!! It is one thing to witness carefully honed human bodies doing incredible, almost superhuman, feats in an Olympic event. Really, I loved watching the gymnastics and diving events as much as the next person. I also loved watching the USA basketball team achieve gold.

Love my OKC Thunder!!

It is another thing to witness ordinary human bodies accomplishing feats that are incredible for them and their circumstance. This 12 year old, 200 lb. boy, Nathan, is jogging at a slow pace, by himself, on an empty highway. There are no crowds cheering him on; no people are wearing his name on the back of a jersey; no one is clamoring for his autograph. He is simply jogging for himself at a comfortable pace because he knows that he only gets one body to live in; he wants to remodel his soul’s home. He is working hard toward his goal even with all the challenges that go along with trying to lose (and keep off) weight. Have you ever tried losing weight? In terms of difficulty, it is right up there with quitting smoking or any other major lifestyle change. (See my friend, Sabrina’s blog for an incredible success story, by the way! http://beautybloomswithstrength.blogspot.com/) 

Nathan is absolutely achieving greatness, one step at a time, slowly but surely. To many onlookers, his running a mile or two would seem like a small victory. It is big for him, though. And yes, as he keeps making progress, he will keep redefining success for himself and achieving new victories all the time. 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right? I took my first single step in 2008, inspired by my sister-in-law. She had just run a marathon and assured our crazy-awesome family that we could all do it, too. I was excited to get started, both to lose some weight and to take part in something our whole family was working on. It was - and still is - quite the range of incredible people. We have a young, athletic sister who took to running easily, though she would probably rather be playing water polo with her friends. We have another sister, a kick-ass cancer survivor, who runs with the sweeper van behind her - slow and steady - laughing and talking with other walk/runners and volunteers along the way. Her goal? Have as much fun as can possibly be had along the race course and smile for every photo! We have a middle-of-the-pack cousin who has crossed the finish line and had time to stretch and shower before we even finish. We also have another amazing man who I’m proud to call my husband. He used to be at the back of the pack but is getting faster all the time. I can’t wait to see all that he accomplishes! 

Then there’s me. 

I felt like an impostor in the beginning. I grew up with JRA and the mention of running for fun would have me laughing in your face. I had never found any balance as far as physical fitness. Just getting a combination of medications that worked was challenging enough. Trying to exercise in a way that could be helpful and not harmful (or painful) to my joints was like balancing an egg on a toothpick: you end up with a mess that’s hard to clean up no matter what you do.

As a result, I just stopped trying. I quit dance class, I stopped swimming regularly, and I didn’t participate in any school sports. It was just easier. Who was I kidding? My real strength was in academics and that’s where I intended to make my mark. My parents didn’t really argue with me on that. C’mon, a Jewish family is almost always going to value the honor roll more than the track team, anyway. 

Unfortunately, my eating habits were impacted by my lack of exercise. They do go together, for better or worse. When one suffers, so does the other, and I was no exception. I remember sitting all day in high school and then coming home only to sit at my desk and do mountains of homework. Go to sleep, repeat cycle. In the course of the day, I would eat way more than I needed to and indulge my sweet tooth, too. My afternoon habit for a couple of years was to watch General Hospital with my mom while drinking a Coke (regular, not diet) and eating a whole grapefruit with sugar sprinkled on top...yes, it was a my Daily Carb Fest. 

College did not help either. No one was around to tell me I shouldn’t be eating this or that and more studying meant more ordering out. Besides, I didn’t know how to cook at all. Now, I’ve made a lot of progress in that these past few years thanks to the Food Network and my awesome chef of a husband encouraging me to try new foods.

Anyway, when I first started running in 2008, the odds were not in my favor. I had experienced 21 years of fitness failure and though I was very optimistic, I did not expect much of a difference. Gratefully, I could not have been more wrong. 

I am now a runner. I don’t look like one, but then neither does Nathan. Or my husband. Or many of my sisters. We are still battling with weight loss, but running has already had a huge impact on our lives. We have the knowledge that we can run a really long distance when needed. For instance, I know I can run a half marathon (13.1 miles) in three and a half hours or less - I have done it seven times since 2008. We have the knowledge that we can endure harsh elements of all kinds: bitter cold and wind, sweltering heat and humidity, rain, sleet, snow; then there are elements beyond the weather - animals chasing us, cars nearly hitting us, potholes jumping up out of nowhere, cramps sidelining us, bowel troubles, wardrobe malfunctions, you name it, we’ve found it on the run. 

Mid run during my 2nd half marathon!
I was feeling phenomenal. You would be too
if you were running through Disney World! 

A year later, half marathon #5 for me, same race course as in the previous photo. Absolutely frigid temperatures! I'm smiling but have never felt colder.

I am a runner because I run. Since I took that first single step in 2008 in old sneakers on a track, I have run more than one thousand miles on various roads, treadmills, and tracks. I hit the 1,000 mile mark this summer on an ordinary training run. Like Nathan, it was a big victory made up of lots of small victories all added together. Lots of hard work. Lots of days when, honestly, I did not feel like running or I did not want to make the time for it. I pushed through and have never regretted a workout. Yes, it feels amazing to see the tally in my running log, currently sitting at around 1,061 miles or so. All the more amazing because it was never a given that I would be where I am now! 

I truly love this sport and am grateful for all it has given me. Now is when I reassess, redefine what success looks like for me in the running world. I have hit 1,000 miles and I cannot wait to see what the next 1,000 miles holds in store. 

At some point I want to...

1. Run a marathon
2. Do a triathlon event
3. Run a race in all 50 states
4. Set a new half marathon PR
5. Plan and direct a race to benefit RA research

In the shorter term, however, success will include increasing my pace and decreasing my weight through more running and cross training. 

Greatness can be found in all of us, from Olympic athletes to rookie runners to experienced athletes looking for a fresh start. John “The Penguin” Bingham is known for saying that “the miracle isn’t that you finished, but that you had the courage to start”. So, be willing to start, no matter what stage you are at in your life and then just go from there. Compare yourself only to yourself. Find your greatness.  

Victories

My biggest victory this month? Getting a job!! Better yet? It’s a teaching job! 

Yes, you are now reading the blog post of a senior English teacher Moore High School. Yippeeeeeeee!!!!! :-) 

It all happened so fast that I truly did not have time to write a blog post about it or even to soak up the news. As of a few days ago I was still catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and thinking to myself, “Senior English? Yeah, that’s right! Holy shish-kabobs!”. 

Here’s the story...I interviewed for a job at an alternative school in Norman. It went well, and I had worked with the director before during my Literacy Coach job (she was an assistant principal there). Sometimes it is about who you know, and I hoped that our having worked together would give me an edge over other interviewees. About a week went by before I heard from the school again - only this time, it was from a brand new director! A principal had left one middle school in town and the director who I’d interviewed with was now the head principal there and now this new guy wanted me to come in for another interview since the last lady had left my name as a recommendation. Basically, the administrators in town had done their best deck-of-cards impression and shuffled around. (Surprise!) Anyway, I went in to interview with the new director and the counselor. They tried to throw me some curve balls but I did pretty well. That was on a Wednesday... I came home and overanalyzed my interview performance only to have my thoughts get interrupted by a phone call - Moore High wanted me to interview! I was sure that they had forgotten all about me. I’d sent in my application well over a month ago and hadn’t heard a thing. 

Friday afternoon I interviewed and it was fantastic! The principal and I honestly seemed to share similar viewpoints on education. We must have talked for almost 45 minutes, but it went by fast because it went so well! He even saw it as a good thing that all my experience was with middle schoolers. I’d assumed that my work with younger kids would be a liability; I haven’t been in a high school since I was that age. Instead, he told me he appreciated that middle school teachers always plan for every single minute of the class period. We can’t give those kids two free minutes at the end of the period unless we want to see complete pandemonium. They are just too squirrely to be trusted with unstructured time, bless their hearts. Anyway, he knew that for me to teach high schoolers would mean the kids would work hard for all 55 minutes. 

Monday afternoon rolls around. Now, keep in mind that I had been praying hard for a job, any job. Of course, after the Moore High interview went so well - if I was really honest with myself - I preferred that job. I even specifically asked God to make sure that Moore High would call me back first, since I would feel better about immediately accepting that job. What happened? You guessed it. The alternative school called. 

It felt like I was holding a pair of deuces at a poker table with the high rollers, completely out of my league, and the guys with their cigars and Rolexes had just decided to raise the bet. At what point should I just lay the cards on the table? Shouldn’t I just accept the job offered to me? The bird in the hand was supposedly more valuable than the two in the Moore High bush. Wouldn’t that have been the responsible thing to do? It was a huge gamble. Moreover, my husband was out of the country for work. It’s not like I could immediately get the advice I needed. Welp, it was time to put on my big girl panties, as my mentor teacher would say.

I was honest. I told the director that I was still waiting to hear back from another school and I also wanted to talk with my husband first before accepting a position. He was very understanding, and I told him I could call to touch base the next day. Once my husband got home later that night, we weighed the pros and cons of each job. They were completely different jobs, for one thing. Aside from teaching some students, they did not resemble each other at all. 

The alternative school job? An enormous challenge even for an experienced teacher, which I am not. I would have had to teach all core subjects to the same 10-12 students who I would see all almost all day....Yeah...They would have a little over an hour for lunch and art class when I could “probably do some planning”, in the words of the director. It would be a planning nightmare as well as an unfair break for the students - there are about a gazillion people who could teach math better than me, for instance.

The high school job? One subject, 140 students throughout the day, a high school that kids take pride in, and an excellent group of teachers to support me throughout my first year of teaching. Granted, my knowledge of the British literature that’s typically taught in senior English is very limited. I mostly studied American literature at OU. I’ll need a refresher on some things and will definitely still have my hands full. Still, I wanted this job sooooo bad.

I kept calling Moore High but of course they were doing some training seminar thing and no one was even available to answer the phone. I called the alternative school back and let them know that I still hadn’t heard. He was so understanding about it that I wondered if I was making a mistake. Maybe I could handle the job in this alternative setting? I went back and forth on this seesaw probably every hour. Anyway, I gave the school and myself a deadline. I would let him know either way by Wednesday afternoon, about a day and a half for Moore High to call me.

Of course, a bit later, the Moore High principal called to say that he wasn’t considering anyone else but me for the position. He just wanted to call my references first before formally offering the job. He would let me know by Wednesday evening...evening, as in, after the afternoon time that I had promised to call the super nice, generous and patient director at the alternative school! 

I called on Wednesday at the appointed time and let him know that honestly, I just needed a little more time. He was totally cool. He wanted me to know my options and seemed to respect my situation. About an hour and a half later, Moore High offered me the job that I gleefully accepted. After a little jumping up and down and shouting “senior English!!” at the top of my lungs, I let the family and the Facebook world know. 

The next morning I called to politely decline the alternative school. I still have to write that director a heartfelt thank you note! He really could have been a jerk about it if he wanted to and said he couldn’t afford to wait on me. I’m very grateful.

I’ll report to Moore High tomorrow morning and get to work. Meeting teachers, (hopefully) setting up my classroom unless I have to travel, learning about the curriculum, and lots more. The students arrive on Thursday, so I have lots of decisions and planning to do these next few days. With a very supportive family behind me, I know I can do what needs doing. 

I’ll do my best to keep posting on here. There’s actually more I want to say about victories, but that’s for another post. Now to go pack my lunch for tomorrow... Wish me luck!! :-)

Yes, I Still Have Some Fingernails Left...

I’ve bitten my fingernails since I was a little kid. Who knows how these things even start? Now that I’m older it’s simply a hard habit to break, so I might go a couple months without biting them and then pick it up again, maybe as a response to stress or just something to do absent-mindedly for no reason at all. I also bite the skin around my nails, crack my knuckles, and bounce my knees and feet while sitting down. Most people find these nervous habits quite annoying, so I try to curb them when I’m not alone. Of course, now that my husband is out of town for work for a bit, no one is around to help me stop. :)

Have I mentioned I’m so glad to have a husband who loves me unconditionally? Even with all my craziness? I’m very blessed, from my incredible family to my relatively good health and everything in between.

However...and there has to be a ‘however’, because who writes a blog post to state that all is well in the world? Who does any sort of writing to say that everything’s fine? In writing, there has to be some sort of problem. Something must be considered or analyzed or mulled over. A character must encounter an obstacle in a fiction novel. Even in an excellently written nonfiction article, there must be a problem to be resolved from the outset. We take a journey with the author to find the answer. Thomas Newkirk makes this argument in his article ‘How We Really Comprehend Nonfiction’ in the March edition of Educational Leadership. (I’d put a link to the article here, but you have to be a member to view the full text on www.ascd.org). 

Anyway, the ‘however‘ in this case is that it’s mid-July and I am still unemployed. I enjoyed my brief time as a Literacy Coach here in Norman, but the funding for the position ran out. I was left to find new work, along with other Literacy Coaches at different middle schools in Norman. I knew going into the job that this was a distinct possibility, if not an inevitability; the principal was clear from the start that funding was low. This knowledge hasn’t been much of a comfort, though. The past few months have been a new lesson for this teacher in steadily rising agony, self-doubt, and obsession. My nails have been bitten down to the quick and I’m questioning every action and non-action I take: Should I call this district again about job openings or will I seem pushy? Should I email that principal again to make sure she hasn’t forgotten me, or will the email just get buried in her inbox? At the end of the summer, I would just love to teach. I would especially love to teach middle school kids and help them become skilled readers and writers. At the least, I certainly want to teach kids to look for the problem in a text, the “itch to scratch” that Newkirk describes. After all, if they can identify and comprehend the central conflict in the text they are doing pretty well. 

I guess it really started last fall, and I found it funny to read an old blog post from March 15th, in which I described the feeling of a jobless applicant running on a wheel that seems to go nowhere: “Once my student teaching wrapped up, I spent time with family and spent time job searching. To say that it was maddening would be an extreme understatement. The waiting, the wondering, the overanalyzing of every minuscule detail of the search-apply-interview process – it was driving me crazy. Then out of nowhere, another job popped up, I interviewed, and got it! Now I am a Literacy Resource Teacher at a middle school in town...” Of course in that post I was the giddy teacher who had found a job and could get off the wheel for a bit. Now I am right back on:

I’ve now been on a total of seven interviews since last fall. One was successful in getting me the short-lived job as a Literacy Coach. One was early in the morning and God only knows what I said with my without the aid of coffee - that was bad. In another one, the administrators already had a particular person in mind for the job and my interviewing was just a courtesy, really. Another went really, really well! I sounded intelligent, the administrators nodded in agreement to the things I said, and I walked away feeling very optimistic. Then I lost out on that job to someone with more experience. In another interview, the principal stepped out of the room twice to take phone calls. While he was occupied, I had to talk to the school counselor/secretary. (It’s a small school and some people wear multiple hats). She told me how much she couldn’t stand middle school kids and couldn’t believe I enjoyed it. As politely as I could, I told her I loved working with that age group and left it at that. 

I’ve been rejected via phone call, letter, and face-to-face. I’ve been rejected by simply not hearing back from people at all and seeing the listing disappear from the job board like a mirage. I feel like I have “paid my dues”, as they say. I know I don’t have much experience, but I’m dedicated to working hard and learning more about my craft everyday. I’m also a qualified applicant who went to a good university and I’m thisclose to finishing my Masters degree. By the way, when people talk about the economy and the public sector jobs being in a dismal state...I’m the sort of person they’re talking about. I’m stuck waiting by the phone and hoping I didn’t accidentally turn it off or something:

Early episode of Friends, Season 1 Episode 20, The One With the Evil Orthodontist

If my only concern was making a buck, I wouldn’t be so worried, but what’s really at stake here is much bigger: my health insurance. My husband does freelance work, so he can’t get insurance through an employer. And, once I got the Literacy Coach job in February, I got off of my parent’s health insurance and onto the best plan that was offered to me by the school district. Most of my paycheck went toward that insurance and will continue to until my contract is officially up in August. Not only is it great coverage that I want to continue, but I simply have to have something. 

I am not the kind of person who can go without insurance. My life is dependent on the infusions of Remicade that I get roughly every two months from my rheumatologist. Remicade is an enormously expensive biologic medication I take for my Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), and it’s keeping me in remission. I know this because I tried going without the Remicade in 2010, at which point my left knee became inflamed to more than three times its normal size. Things have gotten back to normal now that I’ve recovered from this flareup, but it was a necessary reminder of what can happen so easily if I let my disease go untreated. I know I can’t afford Remicade without insurance, unless I want to quickly accumulate a lot of debt. Bottom line: I’ll take a job anywhere with good health insurance if I can’t get a teaching job very, very soon. 

I went on an interview last Thursday and I think it went well. If I got it, I would be teaching at an alternative school here in Norman. It would be a great learning experience for me and quite the challenge. The administrator said she would “let me know either way” sometime early this week. Now that it’s after five o’clock on this Monday evening, I’ll hope for her call tomorrow. So, yes, I still have some hope - and some fingernails - left as I continue the job search. Please wish me luck, and send me prayers, good vibes, or whatever you like. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for listening. :)     

Just Tell Me How...

As a new teacher who strives for professionalism, I am happy to be a member of ASCD, the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development. The benefits of membership are well worth the cost – five books a year, lots of magazines, access to online articles and professional development, and probably a few other things I haven’t discovered yet. Anyway, I get excited in my nerdy little way when I see the newest magazine in my mailbox. The authors always have a unique way of presenting their research so that I can learn a lot in one short publication.

The topic of each month’s volume is always relevant, but none more so for me than March’s Volume 69, Number 6 – Reading: The Core Skill. Being that I was hired as a “reading specialist” of sorts, I was very excited to dive into this issue. I’ve only read two articles so far, but they have already helped me feel better, like maybe I am helping my students a little bit? Put it this way – I don’t think I’m doing any harm, but I still feel unprepared on most days, wondering if I’m doing the right things for the kids.

The first article I read was Allington and Gabriel’s “Every Child, Every Day”, on pages 10-15. The authors outline the six best practices for teaching children to read, especially those who struggle with reading. In their view, these are six practices that every child should be doing every day in school. And the good news? Most of these practices are what they term “high-impact, low-input” strategies. They have a very positive and significant effect on student’s reading skills, and they are relatively easy to implement; no special materials are required and no sacrifices are needed to time or money.

The first best practice is “every child reads something he or she chooses”. This makes sense to many educators and anyone who knows about intrinsic motivation. As Daniel Pink has argued, engagement is only possible when we are allowed some autonomy. Allington and Gabriel agree: “The research base on student-selected reading is robust and conclusive: Students read more, understand more, and are more likely to continue reading when they have the opportunity to choose what they read”. It isn’t that students should only read items of their choosing, the authors maintain, but they should have their choice at least once a day.

The other best practices are similarly sensible: (2) “Every child reads accurately”, (3) “Every child reads something he or she understands”, (4) “Every child writes about something personally meaningful”, (5) “Every child talks with peers about reading and writing”, and (6) “Every child listens to a fluent adult read aloud”.

When I read the details of children reading accurately and comprehending, I couldn’t help but think, “Just tell me how. Tell. Me. How.” How do I know when they are reading on level? How do I know when they experience “high-success reading”? I’m still not sure.

I was happy to read that the authors want students to be learning comprehension strategies as a connected whole, rather than in parts. Many remediation programs focus on skills one at a time as though they are mutually exclusive, which is ridiculous. We don’t read a text to identify the author’s purpose OR to understand context clues OR to make predictions. We use all of those skills when we read, plus a lot more. Instead of learning “basic skills in isolation” we should be “reading connected text for meaning”.

The best practice that made me feel quite relieved was the last one – every child listens to a fluent adult read aloud”. I do this with my students every day, usually doing all the reading aloud. I know that they need to hear the correct pronunciation of words. They need to have some phrases, idioms, and other items of note pointed out to them. Most importantly, though, they just need to hear proper fluency. By no means am I the best and most fluent speaker, but I’m a much more experienced reader than most of my struggling and reluctant readers. Maybe I am having a positive impact on their reading skills? I sure hope so. I will keep working, studying, and trying new strategies, and report as much as I can along the way.

P.S. If I had to pick the most important sentence in the whole article it would be this: “When we consider that the typical 4^th grade classroom has students reading anywhere from the 2^nd grade to the 9^th grade reading levels (and that later grades have an even wider range), the idea that one workbook or textbook could meet the needs of every reader is absurd” The bottom line is that workbooks and textbooks are not the end-all, be-all. Students need a great variety of real books to learn to read and to enjoy reading.

Creative Writing

It isn't very often that I get to write creatively as a graduate student.

For that matter, I never really wrote creatively as an undergraduate. In the world of academia, informative writing is the bulk of what we do. We research, cite our sources, research some more, and then for a change of pace, we do a little research.

Dr. Baines lets us do things a bit differently, though. During our last class, he had us partake in several multisensory minilessons before finally assembling a poem of our very own. (I can't remember the last time I had written a poem...maybe high school?) The subject was Love, and we began with a discussion of the many cliche expressions surrounding love. Our goal was to create something original, moving beyond the typical images, and we engaged many senses to do so.

Eventually I'll describe the lesson itself in some detail, but for now I'm going to leave you hanging. :) This weekend I will have much more time to blog about how we created the poems. Until then, I leave you with an audio recording of me reading the poem. I titled it "A Fresh Start on Love". Picture a woman watching a beautiful sunset on the rocky coast of Maine, deciding to start anew...

*After several minutes of tinkering with the Mac* Well, there was going to be an audio recording. It's not posting here on Blogger, so I will ask my tech savvy friends tomorrow how I go about this. Thanks for bearing with me! :)

***

A few classes later, and after talking to my classmates, I decided to make this easier. Here is the video, courtesy of my friend, Jamie, and her iPhone! :)

Online Learning

I have a Thursday night class at OU that I really enjoy. The people are fun, understanding, and highly intelligent, so it is an honor to spend time with them. It’s also just nice to talk with fellow teachers who understand the craziness of my days.

Our professor is Dr. Lawrence Baines, a really great person and mentor. We sit in class, drink tea that he provides, and talk about all things teaching. No matter how long my week has been, I look forward to it because the discussion is so engaging.

I tell you all this for two reasons: 1) to plug my awesome teacher’s books, available on Amazon, with lots of great information and strategies for teachers, and 2) because I will often reference articles here on this blog that Dr. Baines gives us to read. As I’ve said before, it is easy to use online spaces like blogs and Facebook accounts to spread awareness and advocate a position. The more I teach the more I feel that advocacy is important – the general public needs to know more about modern teaching.

One such article that Dr. Baines recently provided was “How Online Learning Companies bought America’s School”, published by The Nation in November of last year. The article’s premise is that online learning companies have slowly but surely insinuated themselves into our K-12 classrooms, mostly without our knowledge or approval (and when I say “our”, I mean students, parents, teachers, communities, and really all of the U.S., because we all have a stake in K-12 education).

Companies have used money and lobbyists to leverage themselves, and they have put up a front with philanthropies like the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, much like the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. Of course, I will let you read the article yourself to discover for yourself the hows and whys. You can probably figure it out without much prompting – the motive for these companies is money, and lots of it. Our nation’s children represent a “market” to them, ready to be tapped. The company executives stand to make a bundle of cash, and our kids end up…well, they don’t seem to care much about the kids, or if they do, they are looking at the situation with dollar signs in their eyes.

The question that I came up with by the end of the article (along with a feeling of nausea) was how do we, as teachers and citizens, fight back? After all, I read this article during my plan period at work, while I was also eating lunch. Where do we find the time, not to mention the money, to fight for what we know is right for our clients, the real consumers of our work – who are they? That’s right, they’re children. Not millionaires and billionaires who can spend hours perfecting their golf game and ordering servants to clean their golden toilets. The people we work for are kids, kids with minds and bodies that are still developing, who have a plethora of issues to deal with already. We do what we can within our schools to make a difference. But when companies from outside begin to order us around, we take umbrage. When their orders have a negative impact on kids, we get downright pissed off. Of course, getting mad isn’t productive. We need to channel that anger into a strategy for fighting back. Teachers reading this, what are your thoughts? Until next time...

First Teaching Job

Good afternoon, my lovely readers! I apologize for my long absence. I have no excuse other than to say that the pace of my life has picked up quite a bit since my last post. As always, I hope to be a better blogger, but there are so many things to do that by the time I think to myself, “I should write a blog post about that”, I don’t get to it…It’s a lame excuse, I know, and I’ll get better. :) Anyway, I want to blog about the high and low moments of my days. I feel that thinking and reflecting on them will make me a better person and a better teacher.

Last fall, I completed my student teaching internship here in Norman. My post “140 Children” dealt with some of my first impressions, but then my blogging hiatus kicked off and you didn’t get to hear any more of my adventures. I’ll try to work in some stories from time to time, but the thing is that many of them repeat themselves naturally. Kids are kids, as one of my mentors wisely told me. They are absolutely unique, make no mistake, but many of their situations are alike. So, now that I find myself in a new job (that’s right!), many of the stories – both heartbreaking and inspiring – will crop up again and again.

Once my student teaching wrapped up, I spent time with family and spent time job searching. To say that was maddening would be an extreme understatement. The waiting, the wondering, the overanalyzing of every minuscule detail of the search-apply-interview process – it was driving me crazy. Then out of nowhere, another job popped up, I interviewed, and got it! Now I am a Literacy Resource Teacher at a middle school in town, helping kids with their reading skills in small groups. I work with different students every day, from all three grade levels (6, 7 and 8). In total, I see about 60 students a week and am trying to differentiate lessons for each group.

It is not a job that I would have expected doing, but it sure beats subbing and it gets my foot in the door here. Most importantly, it gets me some experience in working with kids who struggle when it comes to reading text. They are a mixed bag – many know they need help and are defiant, many know they need help and are grateful for any knowledge they can absorb, and still others do not even realize how important reading is and would rather get hit by a bus” than read anything (in the actual words of one student). Others believe that they can read just fine and see no reason to spend their Explo time with me once a week. They have threatened to have their parents call the school, so we’ll see how well that works for them. I have tried telling them their reading comprehension is the real issue – can they read something and understand it afterwards? I have also tried to convince them that we can read things that are fun and interesting to them. Indeed, that is what I would prefer. Some believe me, and they’re very forthright with their preferences. Others doubt my sincerity and are staying quiet until I can gain their trust.

I’m sure I could go on and on, but I will stop for now. If I am going to make blogging a regular thing, I need to keep it short. My hope is that by reflecting, thinking, and writing about my school life, I will gain some insight. Maybe I will learn about myself or my students, who knows? If nothing else, I hope to preserve some of the amazing moments in the life of a teacher. Everything happens by so fast, and memories fade. With a blog to record some fleeting thoughts, I hope to preserve them.

140 Children

My student teaching is going splendidly! :D I absolutely love the school, my mentor teacher (and all the 8th grade faculty, really), and most of all, all 140 kiddos we see everyday. Yes, you read that right, 140 kids, each around 14 years old. If that seems like a large number, it is. That works out to 35 students in each class. Way more than there should be, especially in a room that isn’t all that big. Ms. Eliason has told me that in her first year of teaching she had 24 students. The number slowly increased, and has fluctuated over the years, now settling at a number that isn’t ideal and yet could be worse.

They are really fantastic kids, all with so much potential. One has already given me a hug. One has these big, brown, gorgeous eyes that are pretty much capable of looking into my soul (though I won’t tell her this for fear that she’ll realize the power she holds). One gives me high fives every now and then. One is a class clown, always participating in class discussion but taking time to tell a little comical story with each answer. One is impossibly frustrating, but not openly defiant. One is quite possibly a genius. One seems to be asleep all the time with his head resting on the desk, but he’ll frequently pop up and answer a question, out of nowhere.

I could talk about them all day to anyone who will listen. Any teachers reading this will surely not be surprised - all our kids are fascinating. Middle schoolers are especially fascinating because so many changes happen to them in such a short span of time. Physically, they are going through the joys of puberty. Some are tall enough to pass for a substitute teacher. Some are tiny enough to look like they are lost and need to be returned to their fourth grade class.

In terms of maturity, they are making decisions about who they want to be and what they value. While some are getting more involved with their churches and school sports, others are hanging out with peers who will only bring them down. They are deciding its cool to get suspended for fighting or bullying or stealing. They need to break the cycle, but when their parents don’t help matters and their older siblings don’t set a good example, they take the easier path. Those are the ones that break my heart.

Many of them, in two of our classes in particular, are on IEPs (Individual Education Plans). These are legal documents that specify that the child has been tested for disabilities and needs certain accommodations and/or modifications in order to perform well in a classroom. Cerebral Palsy, ADHD, Bipolar, you name it and one of our kids is dealing with it. Some of them are not much different than any other kid, while others are really struggling. Meanwhile, some kids who are not on an IEP really, really, really ought to be. They are just barely keeping their heads above water.

Some kids are soaking up the knowledge and skills that we teach them, showing us that they are learning all the time. Others look frightened and lost, knowing that something is expected of them but not knowing what to do. Are they learning? If not, why? What can I do? Others are bored to tears, academically way past the majority of their classmates and hoping for a challenge. How can I keep them engaged in the day’s lesson?

There is so much to try to wrap my brain around. One thing I am sure of, however, is that these kids are all loveable. Even the frustrating ones. And they work hard everyday, even if that means just showing up and listening. This has got to be the most rewarding job in the world.

My First Days of School

***Please note that most of this was written several weeks ago, around the end of August. Things have gotten pretty busy around here since then. :)

The first day of school always carries a certain mystique about it, at least it does for a nerd like me. My hopes are high for a super-spectacular year and the possibilities are limitless. I sorta make resolutions, the way people do on New Year’s Eve. Maybe this will be the school year that I find a way to balance everything - school, family, friends, exercise, hobbies, (dare I say?) relaxation. Maybe this will be the year I don’t show up to all my classes late or almost late. Whether it’s truly evident to my classmates and teachers or mainly exists in my mind, I seem to have this reputation as the chick who runs into class at the last minute, out of breath, looking like crap.

At any rate, motivation is high just before the start of another school year. I’m excited to see my friends in class after the long summer and no assignments have been handed out yet...I guess it really isn’t that different for a 6-year-old or a 24-year old in this way!

This year the feeling was heightened, because this year I will be putting much of my studies into real-world practice. Everything that I have learned, everything I was supposed to have learned, and everything I have yet to learn - all of it, with any luck, will go to helping real-live children do some learning of their own. This fall, I am a student teacher.

If you don’t know what a student teacher is, the description is in the title. I am still a student, but I’m very close to being a teacher. I have my bachelor’s degree and am working on my masters, while also doing the training for certification to teach English at the secondary level (middle school or high school). My student teaching is a semester-long internship at a local school and one of the last steps I take to become fully certified (certified to teach that is, though I may go a little insane in the process...). I will be shadowing an experienced teacher everyday, observing her and the students in the classroom and school environment. I’ll then gradually take over many of the teaching responsibilities to the degree that she and I are comfortable. I will have to do at least three weeks of full-time teaching and all the responsibilities entailed.

This is go-time. This is where it all comes together. My college courses have taught me a great deal, but that does not add up to much compared with actual classroom experience. It’s both exhilarating and nerve-wrecking, to be truthful. A friend has told me that I will learn more in this semester than in almost all of my college classes combined. Mind you, this is nothing negative against OU...it’s just that there is so much that has to be experienced and cannot really be simulated in a collegiate atmosphere.

Oh, and did I mention that all of this is free labor for the district? Yeah, I don’t get paid. That’s one reason why so many preservice teachers end up getting certified alternatively, because they understandably cannot go several months without an income (and it’s awfully hard to work while also student teaching, though some have pulled it off). Luckily my hubby can support us, and clipping coupons is a favorite pastime of ours anyway.

The good news is that this internship is also an extended job interview at the school. The teachers and I will be seeing a lot of each other and learning if I am truly a good fit to work at this school. If all goes well, I may be lucky enough to get a job offer in the spring or next fall, if they are hiring. I will certainly fight for a teaching job here in Norman, and the first step is working hard during these upcoming months.

So. That’s how it all works. Nervous for me? I sure am. One of my professors reminded all of us student teachers that we are college graduates and we are capable. I think I needed that.

The hubby and I returned from a trip about a week prior to the start of classes and this is also when I found out where I would be student teaching, who my mentor teacher would be, and what grade level of students. Yeah, I know, nothing like waiting until the last minute, right? The schools, the district, and everyone has to coordinate to set up these student teaching placements, so it can be a long and arduous process. Also, and I didn’t know this before, we at OU are competing with other universities around the state for many of the same placement spots in Norman schools...I guess everyone wants to be here!

Initially I was placed at Irving Middle School, with Carol Wahpepah as my mentor teacher, in an 8th grade language arts classroom...Based solely on the grade level, I was immediately disappointed. I had been hoping for a high school assignment. I had indicated only high schools on my list of preferences when I filled out the form to student teach. Quite frankly, I had expected to get assigned to one of the high schools. I had always thought that OU tried to give you a middle school experience and a high school experience, so that you could try them both on for size. I loved the 7th-graders that I observed at my field experience at Whittier Middle School this past spring. They were positively adorable! But I was psyched for high schoolers this time around.

So I did what any overeager rookie does, especially one that thinks first with her heart and then with her head as I do - I went straight to my advisor’s office the next day, a Monday afternoon. No appointment or anything, just showed up. I was tired of only communicating through email and just wanted to talk this through. Of course he was busy when I first arrived, talking with another student about her dissertation (Hi, Kimberly!). I waited outside for my turn and then calmly explained that I was “a little upset” about this placement. He then explained the rationale as such: 8th grade is as close as I can get to high schoolers if I want to student teach this fall. Many new teachers have been hired recently at the two local high schools, and they cannot take on a student teacher until they themselves have been teaching for awhile. It isn’t fair to them or me; the idea is to give us a highly experienced teacher to learn from and one who won’t consider me a burden to their own growing pains. Also, there are four middle schools here and that means more openings, both for student teaching placements now and for jobs (hopefully) afterwards. Moreover, by doing my first field experience in a 7th-grade classroom and my student teaching in 8th grade...that gives me lots of training in the middle school environment, making me more appealing to a middle school looking to hire someone.

I accepted this explanation. It made sense to the rational part of my brain. At this point, I started getting excited again for the placement. It may not have been my first choice, but then again my life seldom goes as expected, and the changes have overwhelmingly been for the better. I read about my mentor teacher on the school website and looked at the reading list for Norman Public Schools and that’s when I saw it. A single book title. One word: Night. As in, the novel by Elie Wiesel chronicling his experiences in the Holocaust, and the first book that haunted me, grabbing hold of my soul as I read. I was in 10th grade, the only Jewish girl in my class, when I read it. I was now beyond excited that my 8th graders would get to read this and that I would get to reread it, seeing their reactions to it at the same time.

The hubby and I went away for another quick trip out of town, one last hurrah for the summer. As such, I had no time to meet with my mentor teacher before Monday last week...more on that in a second. :)

We got back Sunday evening last week. Orientation for student teachers was Monday morning at the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History. There were maybe 60 or 70 of us, from all subject areas, in the auditorium, though I am terrible at judging numbers of people in a given room. We were all excited and nervous to begin this new journey. The dean of the college spoke to us and noted that we have the potential to have an impact on thousands of lives...thanks, that really helps with the nerves! But, of course, it’s also very exciting. The one thing I’ve always wanted to do with my life, in some small way, is make a difference. Teaching is the best way to do that, and in spite of any nerves, I am sooooooo excited! Then last year’s Oklahoma Teacher of the Year spoke with us and shared some of her stories. I think she really put many of us at ease, for some reason I can’t even pinpoint...just the fact that she knew what it was like to be in our shoes. :D

I got some lunch after orientation, and opened my wallet to discover that I had been driving without a license. When travelling, my camera bag often doubles as my purse and I put my ID and a money inside. Not having that bag with me, I was just lucky to have a credit card so that I wasn’t stuck paying for Bison Witches with dishwasher duty. Anyway, this gave me the perfect excuse to run home and get my ID, along with much needed hugs from my husband. He is really my rock. When I need support and my world feels like it’s spinning a little too fast, he is there for me and I am grateful.

Next it was off to Irving! I arrived to find that my fellow student teacher, Jordan, was right when she said it was under construction. Of course, I had expected a portion of the building to be under construction, maybe a single hallway or something, but no. In fact, the entire building is being remodeled, with wires hanging from the ceiling, wet paint on the walls, ladders and equipment here and there. I really wondered how kids were supposed to start showing up in two days. Couldn’t they have picked a better time to do this? Say, I don’t know, summertime??

I met with my mentor teacher, who seemed glad to see me. One of the first things she said was that it was odd that my advisor had referred to her in the email as an eighth grade teacher. She used to teach eighth grade but was teaching seventh grade this year....

Crestfallen once again. This was beginning to feel like a roller coaster ride.

I did my best to hide my disappointment. We talked a bit more and I helped her do a few things to set up her classroom. They had only been allowed into the building a couple days ago due to the construction, so every teacher was scrambling. In her words, they had all agreed “to plaster smiles on our faces and get through this construction, knowing that it’s worth it”.

That’s what I was doing, too, plastering a smile on my face. I told myself that it would still be a great experience no matter what. Seventh graders here, at this Title 1 school on the other side of the railroad tracks, would be a little different. And I wasn’t blaming my advisor, the district website still had her listed as an eight grade teacher. Besides, I hate causing any trouble, and I felt like it would all be just fine.

Thankfully my husband stepped in again when we got to discuss it that evening. Reminding me that this was my career we were talking about and that I would only get one shot to student teach, he said I should at least let my advisor know the situation. One polite email later, he did feel badly for the error and said he would do what he could. I resolved to make the best of it if I was to stay put and yet hope for a last-minute switcheroo to an eight grade classroom.

Tuesday was a kind of open house for the incoming sixth grade students, fresh from elementary school and mostly scared out of their gourds. Ms. Wahpepah and I did some more work to set up her classroom while the kids and parents toured the school. Then, after lunch, I came back to another surprise, but this time it was the one I was hoping for - I now had a home in an eighth grade classroom! :D Ms. Wahpapah understood that my two internships shouldn’t be at the same grade level and joked, “You’re fired.” I’m still not sure if it was Ms. Wahpepah or my advisor who did the work to get things changed, but at any rate I was set up to student teach for Ms. Maren Eliason now. Same school, different hallway. It happened really fast, but I thanked Ms. Wahpapah for everything and took off. I texted my husband that I had been “promoted” to eight grade, and went to meet my new mentor teacher.

So, the roller coaster ride was finished on a high note - or maybe the ride was just beginning, depending on your perspective. Stay tuned. :D

"Deal Or No Deal?"

Over the Independence Day holiday weekend, my husband and I took a road trip to Houston. We met up with his sister, Andria, one of my most favorite people, and her fiance', Victor, who has quickly become the newest addition to our crazy-awesome-loud-funny family. We enjoyed two Red Sox-Astros games at Minute Maid park, along with the excellent fireworks shows afterward. They just retract the roof of the dome and set the fireworks to popular music. The best part is that there really isn't a bad seat in the house; anyone in the ballpark can take in the 15-minute show with a nice view. Apparently, this happens after every ballgame on Friday nights - "Friday Night Fireworks" sponsored by Marathon Oil. Oh, to have that much money.

On Saturday we walked around the mall without purchasing very much at all. We frankly don't have the money to spend and have enough bills to think about that we can talk ourselves out of buying almost anything. We ate yummy Mexican food, sat around the hotel room and talked, talked, talked. Sunday was the second ballgame and another win for the Red Sox - there were a significant number of cheers and our fan base must have outnumbered the home team fan base quite a bit. Embarrassing, I know, but what can I say? New Englanders take their baseball more seriously. :D Sunday night's post game fireworks were a special event, unlike the typical Friday night ones. They were set to patriotic music for the one holiday that brings all of America together, Independence Day. These were sponsored by Chesapeake Energy, if you were curious.

Later that day we went to Dave and Busters - a really, really fun place, kind of a grown-ups version of Chuck E Cheese. You can play different arcade-style games, eat at the restaurant, or play billiards. The four of us are definitely just big kids, so it's perfect for us. I even won a stuffed dolphin from one of those big bins with all the stuffed animals in them and the claw that grabs them after you get it positioned just right (no idea if these things have a formal name). Anyway, I NEVER win at those things! The dolphin's name is Astro and he lives in my office now. :D

One of the coolest games at D&B's, however, was the arcade version of "Deal or No Deal?" You've probably seen the game show while flipping through the channels on TV. It's a game of statistics, in which you select and open briefcases with a mysterious amount of cash, hoping to hit the jackpot. As you narrow down the briefcases, you can decide whether to take the offer suggested by "the Banker" - money in your pocket - or risk winning more from the briefcases that are still left. Playing it at an arcade like this is great because you get to gamble without losing any actual money. It's almost like a game of chicken - the game is fun until you walk away with nothing. You have to balance risk with reward, of course, and think sensibly.

I wish I could translate this kind of thinking into the thick heads of our government.

Our weekend was fun and whimsical; we were free from responsibility for a moment. We always have fun just spending time together, and a weekend like this before returning to work after the holiday is always refreshing. It was only for a short while, though. We know that if we were to just stop going to work altogether we would lose our jobs, our paychecks, and the fun would NOT last. Now that our government is mere days away from a financial Doomsday, any fun political bantering and debate is long gone. Someone has to swerve their car in this very dangerous game of chicken, or a huge chuck of America (and many beyond our borders) will suffer. Seriously.

The natural next step, to me and others, is to withhold the pay of our elected officials. If they aren't doing their jobs by attempting to end this stalemate and keep the country running, they really don't deserve their paycheck. They need to work like the rest of America, balancing risk with reward and thinking sensibly. They need to speak with one another as competent adults, with mutual respect and compassion. They need to shut up and listen to one another with a bit of humility, checking their enormous egos at the door.

Is this really too much to ask from the people we charged with the leadership of our nation? I would be willing to bet that many Americans had never heard of a debt ceiling before this whole ridiculous thing began. We have our own problems and responsibilities to juggle without becoming experts on politics. This is why we elect people that (presumably) we feel we can trust - they do their part, we do ours. We work, pay taxes, and know that our government is there to support us. Now they are not holding up their end of the bargain. I love my country and I want to keep faith in my federal government, but this current situation has me feeling exasperated.

Can we make a deal already? Can we compromise, the way that coworkers, family, friends, and spouses compromise everyday? Can we just put aside the part lines and do what needs to be done? We've already gotten a tiny preview of what can happen when governments shut down in our own state of Minnesota. They were shut down for nearly two weeks at the beginning of this month. State workers had nothing to do but wait and the state lost millions in revenue. Of course, political bickering has always been crazy, but it seems to have amped up in intensity. It all seems more childish, with both sides claiming that the other stole the toy out of the sandbox that was meant for them! Feel free to picture me crossing my arms and pouting my lips defiantly at this point.

Let's move beyond the soundbites and the empty promises. Beyond the symbols that politicians love to wave in our faces, like those little American flag pins you always see them wearing on their jackets at a press conference. Let's do away with the tweets that barely scratch the surface of the problem and actually sit down and discuss the issues that deserve discussion. Let's do so with an open mind. We all have life experiences and knowledge to contribute to the discussions of important issues, and we need to be open to these views if we're ever to learn and grow - this applies equally well to federal governments as it does to individuals.

So, let's get to work. If necessary, let's confine all of Congress and President Obama into a bunker somewhere in D.C. As my mom pointed out to me, we can "slip them pizza under the door and not let them out until they come to a compromise!" They could wear pajamas or whatever they're most comfy in, with some coffee provided, too. No cameras or press would be allowed, no stenographer to keep track of who says what. No entertainment, no internet access. Just a room with a locked door, forcing them to all speak with each other.

Quite the fantasy, right? It's kind of funny but also kind of sad to picture such a scenario. Has it really become this challenging for our country's leaders to sit down together and talk? Part of the problem has to be that politician's are always worried about offending their base and getting enough votes for reelection. In fact, how would they behave if there was no possibility of reelection? If they only had one shot, one term in office, from the lowliest mayor to the President himself?

Mayor Michael Nutter, a Democrat from Pennsylvania, was recently a guest on the Rachel Maddow Show. He mentioned the 9% unemployment rate in Philadelphia and said, "When people in Philly talk about the debt limit, that's usually them talking about their own personal debt limit and how much debt they're accumulating in their own lives". It's got to be true elsewhere as well. We have our own lives to manage and we take them seriously. And we expect the government to do the same. Mayor Nutter went on to say, "Folks [in America] are truly suffering...and we don't have time for this kind of gamesmanship".